An acquaintance had an aggressive form of cancer. I was kept in the loop via text messages and Facebook and so it seemed natural to learn of her death through a text. A friend of the bereaved sent a mass text, not one but a series, with funeral notifications, meal requests, and donation preferences. Friends of the bereaved began writing condolence messages on her Facebook wall.
My first thought upon hearing of the death was to send a condolence note; but I changed my mind when I saw the bereaved added a “like” to every Facebook condolence message on her wall.
One of the text messages had indicated that the deceased had requested donations be made to the American Cancer Society. I chose to write an email and honor the deceased’s wish for the donation.
I crafted a condolence message in Word. I edited until I was comfortable with the final text. I copied and pasted the condolence message from Word and sent it. I knew that I had handled the contact correctly when the bereaved quickly responded, telling me how much my message had meant.
This was rather unconventional for me. I find text communications concerning death to be awkward; it’s hard to be quick on your feet while trying to be tactful and compassionate. I do not post condolence messages on a Facebook wall nor do I like to send condolence messages via email. But in this case, the email was the correct thing to do. The bereaved is part of the generation that relies on text and Facebook messages and she found these communications very comforting.
In a time of grief, words often fail us. We want to express our heartfelt sympathy, but finding the gift that can share our sentiments and provide comfort is not always easy.
When you plant a tree in memory or celebration, you are leaving a living legacy behind.
If you decide to go traditional way and send a sympathy gift, this UNIQUE and ELEGANT certificate will bring care and compassion for today and hope and healing for tomorrow to the family of your loved one; A Tree Instead Corp. will ensure that your gift is delivered with care and sensitivity. But you can plant a tree and send a eCard which is more convenient www.plantatreeinstead.com
Showing posts with label death and dying. Show all posts
Showing posts with label death and dying. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Talk about death is alive and well
Is awareness of all things death-related a perception thing? That once you’ve lost someone, you become more aware of the buzz around you about death and grieving? Or is it that, as part of the aging process, we are all more accepting of our mortality and others’ too? Or could it be that as we age and lose loved ones, we are all just plain paying more attention to the topic – and talking about it more?
A recent spate of death-related stories in the media – all this month – leads me to wonder where this is all coming from…and where it’s going.
* A couple of weeks ago, an acquaintance in Boston lay blogging at the same time she lay dying. Once diagnosed with cancer, she posted her journal on Caring Bridge and as her demise drew near, nothing was as poignant or personal as the parting words, in print, about how sorry she was to be leaving life and the love of her life.
* An uncle by marriage died in Connecticut. He was elderly and somewhat too far removed for me to have known he was so close to death, but I was heartened by the stellar obituary I found on Legacy.com that told the gutsy story of his pioneering of the recycling movement, long before the first Earth Day.
* CBS Sunday Morning last week featured a story about how children mourn reported by Katie Couric, whose own daughters lost their dad when they were just six and two.
* A “Modern Love” column in The New York Times on Sunday was written by a woman whose husband heartbreakingly died “a happy man” and who called his service “the best funeral ever” – words that would not have been said openly and in print not so long ago.
* Not long ago, All Things Considered on National Public Radio aired a delightful story about an Atlanta man who has been collecting obituaries for over 50 years.
* A newly published book of condolence letters sent to Jackie Kennedy when the President was assassinated underscores the elegance and empathy of a simple note – whether written by statesmen or school children.
* And hip-hop superstar Jay-Z raps about death in his current hit, “Forever Young”:
Let us die young or let us live forever
We don't have the power but we never say never
Sitting in the sandpit
Life is a short trip
The music's for the sad man…
So when the director yells cut
I'll be fine
I'm forever young
I'll be fine
Blame it on the boomers, if you must, this determination to be young forever and go out in a blaze of glory when possible. Because death, dying and grief haven’t always been an acceptable focus of conversation, much less media hype. When my mother died too young in 1968, people could barely speak the words ‘breast cancer’ much less face the truth that the end was near.
In this blog, I hope to make preparing for death – and how you want to be remembered – a more accessible and acceptable topic, too. It doesn’t have to be gloomy and morbid; nor is it egotistical and controlling. It’s a fact of life that we’ll all be gone one day, and we might as well have a hand in how that final journey is handled.
A recent spate of death-related stories in the media – all this month – leads me to wonder where this is all coming from…and where it’s going.
* A couple of weeks ago, an acquaintance in Boston lay blogging at the same time she lay dying. Once diagnosed with cancer, she posted her journal on Caring Bridge and as her demise drew near, nothing was as poignant or personal as the parting words, in print, about how sorry she was to be leaving life and the love of her life.
* An uncle by marriage died in Connecticut. He was elderly and somewhat too far removed for me to have known he was so close to death, but I was heartened by the stellar obituary I found on Legacy.com that told the gutsy story of his pioneering of the recycling movement, long before the first Earth Day.
* CBS Sunday Morning last week featured a story about how children mourn reported by Katie Couric, whose own daughters lost their dad when they were just six and two.
* A “Modern Love” column in The New York Times on Sunday was written by a woman whose husband heartbreakingly died “a happy man” and who called his service “the best funeral ever” – words that would not have been said openly and in print not so long ago.
* Not long ago, All Things Considered on National Public Radio aired a delightful story about an Atlanta man who has been collecting obituaries for over 50 years.
* A newly published book of condolence letters sent to Jackie Kennedy when the President was assassinated underscores the elegance and empathy of a simple note – whether written by statesmen or school children.
* And hip-hop superstar Jay-Z raps about death in his current hit, “Forever Young”:
We don't have the power but we never say never
Sitting in the sandpit
Life is a short trip
The music's for the sad man…
So when the director yells cut
I'll be fine
I'm forever young
I'll be fine
Blame it on the boomers, if you must, this determination to be young forever and go out in a blaze of glory when possible. Because death, dying and grief haven’t always been an acceptable focus of conversation, much less media hype. When my mother died too young in 1968, people could barely speak the words ‘breast cancer’ much less face the truth that the end was near.
In this blog, I hope to make preparing for death – and how you want to be remembered – a more accessible and acceptable topic, too. It doesn’t have to be gloomy and morbid; nor is it egotistical and controlling. It’s a fact of life that we’ll all be gone one day, and we might as well have a hand in how that final journey is handled.
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